By T. Jayani, JadeTimes News
A man met a girl he liked, got to know her, and eventually proposed. She accepted and received an engagement ring on the spot. Later that night, the girl’s father called, questioning if his daughter had truly gotten engaged without his permission. He summoned the young man, stating that this was not the African way. But what is the African way? Let’s delve into this in the comments as we explore African marriage customs. What does marriage mean in different African cultures? Is it binding, sexist, or sacred? What is the family’s role? Was divorce common in ancient Africa? We’ll also discuss same sex marriages and their place in African traditions. Finally, I’ll provide recommendations for Africans in the diaspora who wish to have an African ceremony but are unsure which traditions to follow. It sounds like a lot, but we’ll cover this quickly.
Please note, this article will not cover the marriage processes of every African culture, it will highlight the most common principles. Africa is the most diverse continent, with thousands of tribes and languages. Marriage practices vary greatly, from strict and sacrosanct arrangements to more open ones. In some cultures, extramarital affairs are forbidden, while in others, they may be allowed. In most African cultures, marriage is a rite of passage marking the transition to adulthood and full community membership.
Why Do Africans Marry?
Marriage in many African cultures is seen as incomplete without children. Childbearing is often the primary reason for marriage. In some cultures, marriage brings certain recognitions and honors. For example, in Igbo culture, unmarried individuals did not receive funerals or certain titles.
Marriage Proposals and Family Roles
In African traditions, it is unusual for a couple to elope. Marriages typically occur between families and follow a three stage proposal process. First, a man asks a girl to marry him. If she agrees, he approaches her parents with his family. If the parents accept, marriage rites are performed in the presence of witnesses from both families. Some cultures allow parents to arrange marriages for their children without their consent, common in Northern Nigeria and Ethiopia. Other interesting practices include:
Kidnapping/Abduction: Acceptable in some cultures with the father's consent, regardless of the bride’s wishes.
Completing Difficult Tasks: Such as jumping over cattle among the Bena people of Ethiopia or enduring flogging among the Fulani to prove suitability as a husband.
Women and Patriarchy in African Marriages
African women often entered marriages with resources to establish themselves in their new homes. Research from Sierra Leone, Kenya, and Nigeria shows that colonial laws introduced gender inequalities. However, traditional roles still exist, such as the Omu among the Igbos, fishing Ijaw women, and warrior women from Aba and Dahomey. Notably, the Aba Women’s War against colonial rule was led by women.
Divorce in Ancient Africa
Divorce did not carry shame in many African cultures. Women could leave unimpressive husbands, as seen in the annual wife stealing festival of the Woodabe. Either spouse could initiate a divorce due to issues like childlessness or domestic conflicts. Divorcees could remarry without stigma, unlike the Christian doctrine which condemns divorce. Single parenthood was also accepted, exemplified by Queen Nandi, mother of Shaka Zulu.
Sanctity of Marriage
Marriage was sacred in many African cultures, though practices varied. While many cultures permit polygamy, standards of permissible conduct differed. For example, the Nsukka and Idoma people of Nigeria forbade extramarital affairs, enforced by deities like Alekwu. Conversely, among the Ovahimba and Ovazimba tribes of Northern Namibia, wife sharing was common.
Polygamy
Polygamy is widely accepted in Africa, though modern life limits its practice. Muslims can marry up to four wives, and many customs allow as many wives as a man can support. Despite Christian prohibitions, many African Christians still practice polygamy. Civil laws often impose monogamy, but customary laws still uphold polygamy. Is polygamy a culture worth preserving?
Same Sex Marriages
Contrary to some beliefs, same sex marriage exists in Africa. Some cultures allow women to marry women, such as the Omu who can take wives. Women marry women for childbearing in cultures where childless married women can marry other women to bear children in their names. This practice is common in Nigeria, Sudan, Botswana, South Africa, Uganda, Kenya, Eritrea, Rwanda, and Tanzania. Typically, children in these marriages are fathered by a relative or friend of the ‘husband’ who has no paternal claims. While records of men marrying men are rare, relationships between men and boys existed, known as boy wives, until the boy matured. For more information, refer to the book "Boy Wives and Female Husbands". Do these practices sound strange to you, or are they common in your culture?